December 20

5 Simple Steps To 10X Your Life in 2023


It’s that time of year. What went right? What went wrong? What could be true next year? For many, this is when they set goals, resolutions, or intentions for the new year. But, unfortunately, those won’t help and may be counterproductive because:

  • Motivation only goes so far: You can create resolutions with the best intentions and still lack the dedication and determination to follow through on them. Without a clear why and an effective plan, losing focus and becoming discouraged when progress fails can be easy.
  • Expectations are often unrealistic: Setting unrealistic expectations can create a sense of failure and diminish your motivation to continue. This failure of expectations is particularly true if you are setting goals in response to failures.
  • Stuff happens: There will always be external circumstances that could prevent you from succeeding with your resolution. For example, if you set a goal to exercise more but work a ton of hours, you may find it challenging to make time for the gym.

And let’s face it – goals, resolutions, or intentions are worn-out ideas from a world that no longer exists. The clients I work with want to 10X the return on their transformation work. Here are five simple steps that I use to transform my life and my client’s lives.

Step One: Make one simple decision 

Don’t shoot too big. Don’t try to boil the ocean. But when you think about your life, making one decision that will matter should be simple. 

When I started my personal growth journey, my diet was out of whack, my schedule was hectic and misaligned, and I had never created a consistent meditation practice. But when I thought about it, it was obvious where I should start. That was with a regular gym routine. I didn’t set out to completely transform my body. All I agreed to do was go to the gym twice a week. 

It was a simple decision. Don’t overcomplicate the starting point.

Step Two: Act immediately 

Now, act immediately on that decision you just made. Decisions are easy. We make thousands of them daily. But when it comes to decisions that can transform your life, the space between a decision and an action is damaging the longer it grows. The neuroscience on this is clear. Actively employing a decision right away makes it more likely that the neural pathways in the brain will rewire to make that action part of your default network.

But it’s also helpful to remember what failure to act does to your self-confidence. And here, borrowing an idea from addiction and recovery might be beneficial. Many people who enter the recovery process from drugs, alcohol, or other addictions have two kinds of credibility problems. The first is a credibility problem with the people around them. They may have been promising to change for years. They say this time it’ll be different. They say this time they really mean it. And over time, their family, loved ones, and the people in their social network stop believing them.

But there’s a second and more insidious kind of credibility gap – the credibility gap they have with themselves. It’s one thing to tell someone else you’re changing and then fail. But the damage is even more profound when you do it to yourself. What happens over time is you think you are full of shit. And this is where immediate action on a decision becomes so essential. 

Step Three: Forge a new identity

This step is where things start to depart from the same old same old. Lots of personal growth gurus will give you that advice. It’s the heart of Mel Robbins’ 5 Second Rule. It’s important advice. But, if you’re like me, you might find that it is necessary but insufficient guidance. You might find that you still struggle.

A difference maker was when I developed a new identity that matched how I wanted to show up in the world. To illustrate this, consider the research that suggests that people who identify as athletes exercise more, exercise more regularly, and take more significant advantage of their exercise routines. Those outcomes were actual whether those individuals are triathletes who compete regularly or people we might otherwise consider as weekend warriors. 

The reality is that identity exists in our hearts. And when we forge a new identity that matches what we hope our future self will be, we create an avatar with a heart connection to the decisions and actions we’ve already begun. 

(If you want more information about identity formation, I have a whole module on this in my course How to Create Lasting Transformation in Your Life)

Step Four: Create your Life Team

You are not alone. You have a group of people around you who are rooting for you to win. On my podcast, one of the first questions I ask is this: tell me the story of someone or some group that was the difference maker for you. Someone you can’t imagine being where you are without. Usually, the guests’ eyes light up as they recount the people that helped them succeed.

Unless you have made a horrible mess of your relationships, you have people around you who can help in your journey. I call these individuals your “Life Team.” Think about it this way. If you were the CEO of a company, you would never file the tax returns yourself. You would hire a CFO. You would never focus on your hiring policies. You would employ someone as head of HR. Well, in the same way, you are the CEO of your life. There are roles where you excel. And tasks you probably have people around for help. 

Building a Life Team means entering a gift economy. You create a life team by being willing to invest love and belief in other people. And they will often instill love and belief back in you without asking. Here’s the paradox. You are entirely responsible for your personal growth and thriving. Yet I have never heard of anyone succeeding in this journey alone.

Step Five: Choose your metaphor

Finally, choosing a metaphor that matches how you think about your journey is crucial. Now, this may seem like an artsy fartsy question. But it is another place where I have seen clients get tripped up, and I certainly tripped up early in my growth journey. 

Let’s say that part of your growth is overcoming past trauma. One personal growth journey guide may tell you to unload your baggage from your past. Another might say to focus on healing intergenerational wounds. Yet a third guide may ask you to work on cutting cords and healing karmic contracts. What’s the difference between those three? The metaphor you use to describe the work. 

I’m sure there are more subtle nuances that any of those three guides might point out. But it is essential to realize that the work is legitimate regardless of how you describe it. But, finding the metaphor that matches your identity keeps you from getting tripped up on the question of what exactly you are doing in this part of your growth journey.

Finding lasting transformation involves five simple steps. These are:

  1. Making a decision
  2. Acting immediately
  3. Forging a new identity
  4. Create your life team
  5. Choosing your metaphor 

These may seem simple, but I have found them powerful both in my own life and in the life of my clients. 10-Xing your transformation journey means following these five steps. I look forward to sharing part of your journey. You can head to my newsletter signup page and get more helpful tips. I hope we can journey together in 2023.

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